Sleepless Road

Are we a sum of our experiences

or strictly the state of our being at this very moment?

Last Saturday, I finally said goodbye to my job.

What a strange feeling. It was exiting a world beyond the job itself, it was leaving the comfort zone, the work that I identified my very self with for a long time. I knew of the safety net that gripped onto my sense of security, with the promise of a dull everyday existence that I somehow wanted to shake and cling on to at the same time.

We'd all be lying if we said our work doesn't have any impact or influence on our sense of self.

So who am I now, and where do I go from here?

Am I the sum of my desires and passions at this very moment, or my past experiences, triumphs, and errors?

But it doesn't have to be mutually exclusive. The bigger challenge is to decide what to keep and what to leave behind. I can no longer reverse the decisions I regret. So I find myself buried in the sea of my own words, as well as the pages of authors who have a thing or two to say about this process. 

It started with reading about a cartoon hobbyist who drew on the back of business cards. This book got me thinking:

"Somewhere along the line the subject of my career choice came up. Back then I was a bit apprehensive about doing the 'creative' thing for a living... in my family people always had 'real' jobs in corporations and banks, and the idea of breaking with tradition made me pretty nervous.

'Well,' said Tim, 'if you have the creative bug, it isn't ever going to go away. I'd just get used to the idea of dealing with it.'"

Maybe it is that simple.

The funny thing is, I wasn't the only one who felt unfulfilled at my field of work. An evening over cheap Korean food and beers made me realize almost ALL my friends had major dissatisfactions with their jobs. 

Yet almost everyone is reluctant to leave it behind.

It isn't perfect, and won't ever be.

But I could either sit at this desk, and ponder for hours and maybe even days, about what I should be doing based on the direction of my past, or I could focus on living in an honest moment to get on the right track for my present and future. 

Caution: sweat, tears, and rockiness on the road ahead. 

  Wearing: Top by  Free People , pants by  Pixie Market , Booties by  Rag & Bone , thrifted denim jacket via  Beacon's Closet .

 Wearing: Top by Free People, pants by Pixie Market, Booties by Rag & Bone, thrifted denim jacket via Beacon's Closet.

Photos shot by the lovely fellow Brooklynite Sara Kuszelewicz.